Drishtis

My pranayama practice has fallen into a nice pattern recently. In the morning, if I wake up early enough, I do several cleansing pranayamas: Kapalibhati, Nasal Cleansing Breath, Dog Pant Breath, sometimes Breath of Fire. These raise energy and heat, and cleanse the system. They take about 15 minutes to do. It’s a nice way to start the day.

After work I study the pranayamas I am planning to teach at my next class (I’m gearing up for a class this week). Right now these tend to be calming pranayamas, as I taught energizing ones last month. I usually spend 20 to 30 minutes doing this.

For the past 10 days I have been performing a pranyama from the Kundalini tradition before bed. It’s basically a breath retention after an inhale, combined with the mantras Sa-Ta-Na-Ma and Wahay-Guru. This one I do for 11 minutes. It helps me fall asleep.

That’s a lot of breath work. A lot of spiritual movement. I’ve heard that when you do a lot of meditation or spiritual work, one thing that happens is that you pump energy into the personality. You become more of who you are. After a while this effect calms down as you become more able to handle the increased energy.

Who I am is an emotional person who sometimes had mood swings. Over the seven years I have been meditating and doing spiritual work, my mood swings have stabilized a whole lot, and the peaks and valleys of my emotions have evened out. I am much calmer, more even-tempered, more consistently happy than I was before.

The past week, though, I’ve noticed my emotions being a bit more intense than they had been, and I’ve definitely noticed an increase in mood swings. I know this will pass as my capacity increases. But right now it’s uncomfortable. The Kundalini practice, in particular, is pretty intense. I had decided to do it for 40 days, but I’m starting to wonder if maybe I should back off for now and try again later.

Edit: There is another reason why I might be feeling moody and emotional right now. A beloved cat died this time of year a year ago. I’ve heard that people often get emotional around a death anniversary.

Since I moved into my house three-and-a-half years ago, I have been doing my yoga practice in the living room, because that is where there is the most space cleared, and the room is fairly peaceful. But recently I have been getting a strong urge to create a meditation/yoga space in my study. While the living room is nice, and my partner doesn’t mind letting me have the space when I do my practice, it is still a shared space. It would be nice to concentrate the energy of my practice in a more private space.

The problem has always been that my room has been cluttered and filled with cheap, mismatched furniture. There hasn’t been enough room to do my yoga there, and even if I cleared space, the feeling created by the mismatched furniture and little nick-nacks scattered about is too chaotic and cluttered for me to feel comfortable doing my practice there. My current plan is to clear the clutter and unify the decor to give the room a peaceful, zen feel. (I promise to post pictures when it’s done. :-)

My back’s flare-up a couple of weeks ago was actually the result of my starting to do some of the necessary organizing and redecorating. I had to drop this work due to the flare-up (and I mean that literally: I dropped piles of stuff in the middle of the floor). However, during my meditation marathon last Wednesday I realized I wouldn’t actually have a whole lot more straightening to do to make the room workable.

So, last weekend, moving very slowly and gently, I cleared enough of the piles to feel comfortable with the space. I even put up a small altar as a focal point for my practice.

The only real way to get comfortable in the space, though, is to use it. Sunday evening I did my pranayama there, followed by an hour of meditation. It was nice and cozy. Unfortunately, though, I think my study just might be the loudest room in the house. You see, my house is situated about 400 feet from an Interstate and this room is on the side closest to the highway (the living room, by contrast, faces away from the highway, which really dampens the noise levels). I normally don’t really notice the traffic sounds when I’m just hanging out in the room, but when I was trying to meditate they were quiet noticeable.

I made like a good yogi and tried to work the sound into my meditation, and I *was* successful in meditating. But it was still annoying. I think next time I will try meditating to music using headphones, instead of playing it through the stereo speakers. I could also try using ear plugs and tune into the inner sound. That’s always good.

Even with the traffic noise, I had a really nice practice. It was nice to use that space. I am looking forward to feeling the energy shift as I use it regularly for my practice.

My back has been having a bit of a flare-up recently. It was doing better and the pain had pretty much gone away, so a couple of weekends ago I ended up over-exerting it. I didn’t do anything particularly strenuous, just straightening and organizing, and I put together one of those assemble-yourself particle board cabinets. But my muscles are sensitive, and even that was too much, and the pain returned. A week-and-a-half later and I’m still not back to where I was. It’s very frustrating.

On top of that, work right now is in a place of transition, uncertainty, and lack of focus. I have finished up old tasks, and have yet to be brought into new ones, so I don’t have a whole lot to do at the moment. I find blank days without clear tasks to be stressful.

How easy it is to start feeling sorry for myself. I try to keep a positive attitude, but, like so much in life, that takes practice and attentiveness. I realized a day to myself would help me regroup. So, since I have plenty of vacation time saved, I took a day off yesterday, stayed home, and meditated.

My goal was to spend most of the day studying my breathing practice and meditating. I flipped through Kundalini Yoga: The Flow of Eternal Power, which I recently bought. I can’t do any of the moving kriyas right now, but I did find a couple of pranayama techniques to try. One that I particularly liked was basically breath retention after an inhale, combined with a mantra (Sa-Ta-Na-Ma).

After the breath work, I spent much of the afternoon in meditation (almost 3 hours, with breaks every hour). The pranayama must have stirred stuff up, because it wasn’t until the third hour of meditation that I finally felt like I had a good meditation. Then I went to meditation class, where we meditated another 45 minutes!

After three-and-a-half hours I was definitely ready to be done meditating. But I got some clarity and peace about some things that came up. And I feel much, much better today. I have am so glad I gave myself that break. I needed it.

I have been keeping my pranayama practice for a month now. I started a month ago with a 15-minute practice, and now I am up to 30 minutes. The main effect I have noticed is that my sinuses are much clearer now than they were a month ago. Just two weeks ago I probably used eight or 10 tissues during a half-hour practice. This morning I used two. The Anunasika or Nasal Cleansing Breath is the pranayama that is most responsible for clearing my sinues.

This is very helpful for me, as I tend to have worse allergies during the winter when the furnace is running. I keep the air circulating all the time, and change the filters often, but even so I am prone to sinus infections.  

I am starting to feel some of the emotional and mental effects of pranayama as well.  I feel calmer, my mind clearer. It is easier to concentrate. I especially enjoy when I have time in the morning to practice before work.  It’s a great way to clear my mind for the start of the day.

I’m in my fourth week of chiropractic care. I have discovered the secret to a successful chiropractic visit: meditate for 20 to 30 minutes before my appointment. Before my last visit, I reclined the seat in my car and meditated for half an hour before I went in.  On a previous visit, I put in my headphones and meditated in a chair in the waiting room for 20 minutes before she called me. Both times my chiropractor said my spine had good mobility, and that I was doing very well. Before I started meditating first, she commented that I was difficult to adjust because of my tight muscles. So from now on I’ll try to get to work half an hour earlier than usual so that I can leave work early and meditate before my chiro appointments.

Meditation has also helped the pain, at least one time.  One day last week I was having a bad pain day. I took a long, hot bath, which usually helps, but this time the pain was still there even after the bath. I finally got myself to meditate for half an hour. During the meditation I concentrated on sending energy to the places that hurt, and after the meditation the pain was gone! I have experienced lessening of pain during a meditation (as well as an increase in pain), but I have never had pain go away entirely and remain gone after a meditation!

Meditation is turning out to serve as an indicator of my progress, as well. At the place where I meet other meditators for weekly meditation, we sit in hard plastic chairs–the kind that are often sold as deck furniture. I have gotten in the habit of bringing a small pillow to put under my lumbar spine to ease the pressure there. Even then, as my muscles relax during the hour-long meditation, I often find that I become aware that I am not sitting straight in the chair and need to adjust my position. And I feel a strong need to crack my neck and back. I know I shouldn’t move during meditation, but I usually end up bending my neck to the side to crack it at least once during the hour. 

Last night I never felt the urge to crack my neck. Not once, either during or after the meditation. Halleluiah! I did feel the need to readjust my position once. Hopefully this need, too, will disappear if my chiropractor is able to correct the scoliosis in my spine. But it was lovely to lose track of time because I didn’t feel the need to crack my spine.

My Pranayama practice continues apace. I have fallen into a nice little 30-minute routine. I’m working from an old DVD called Pranayama For Health and Wellbeing, which sadly seems to be out of print. I have been focusing primarily on the cleansing Pranayamas included on the video. My routine varies somewhat, but generally runs as follows:

I start with about a 30-50 rounds (each breath is one round) of Kapalabhati, or Skull Shining Breath.

Then I do Breath of Fire through the right nostril, while keeping the left nostril closed, for three minutes. I follow this with Breath of Fire through the left nostril, keeping the right nostril closed, also for three minutes.

Finally I do about five minutes of Breath of Fire through both nostrils.

Note: Kapalabhati and Breath of Fire are similar, but not the same. In Kapalabhati the emphasis is on a strong exhale, and there is a passive inhale. The inhale and exhale do not need to be of the same length. In Breath of Fire the emphasis is on keeping the inhale and exhale of the same length.

Then I often do something the DVD calls Anunasika Pranayama. This consists of taking a deep breath, then blowing it out through the nostrils in a series of exhales until the lungs are empty. I do this six times through both nostrils, then six times through the right nostril only, then six times through the left nostril only, and finally six times through both nostrils. This one is very cleansing: I usually go through several tissues during it!

I follow this with Kukkura Pranayama, or the Dog Pant Breath. I do four sets of 20 rounds (breaths) each. Kneeling in Vajrasana, you put your hands on the floor in front of your knees, stick out your tongue, and pant from the abdomen.

Finally, I finish my practice with Nadi Shodhana, or Alternate Nostril Breathing.

I did this practice 4 days last week, and 5 the week before. I really feel drawn to the cleansing pranayamas right now. Firstly because I’m just getting back into a consistent pranayama practice, and I figure I need cleansing. But also because I tend to have more allergy problems in the winter, so anything that cleans out my sinuses is probably beneficial.

My back has been doing better. The pain is either non-existent or very manageble. However, I still have to take it very easy. I went shopping last Saturday afternoon and was pretty sore the next day. So as long as I take it easy I’m fine. While I miss my physical yoga practice, it is actually nice to have the time now to focus on a pranayama practice, which I had been wanting to do more of, anyway.

A few weeks ago my meditation teacher handed us a schedule of the topics we’ll be learning in the first hour of class before we meditate. We meet every Wednesday.

The first Wednesday of each month she will speak on Consciousness and Energy.
The second Wednesday of the month she will teach Taoist Techniques for Health.
The third Wednesday we’ll learn Pranic Breathing Exercises.
The fourth Wednesday she will discuss Ancient Eastern Philosophy Text (possibly the Vedas?).
And when there is a fifth Wednesday, the topic will be Cosmic History and Extraterrestrial Meaning. (This one is a bit out there for me, but I promise to keep an open mind.)

This past Wednesday was the third Wednesday of the month. Now, I have done some teaching of pranayama techniques there before, when I’ve filled in for my teacher when she’s had to miss the class for some reason or another. But she hadn’t mentioned to me that I would be leading the class on scheduled Pranic Breathing days, and it would have been egotistical for me to assume that I would be teaching.

Well, what did she do but expect me to teach! I was so unprepared. Gah! At least there was only one other student there for the class this week. I floundered about for a bit trying to remember how to teach belly breath and three-part breath. Eventually I hit my stride and taught Breath of Fire, Skull-Brightener Breath, and Alternate Nostril Breathing. I went really deep in meditation after all that breathing!

So I guess it’s official now: I’m a pranayama teacher. I guess I’d better finish reading Light on Pranayama pretty quick (I’m almost half-way through)!

Does anyone have any other pranayama text recommendations, from either the hatha or kundalini yoga traditions?

As it turns out, I apparently can’t do even a minimal exercise regime right now. Last weekend I did an easy half hour on the elliptical. I tried not to use my arms at all, but kept them on the heart rate bar. I also did some light house cleaning–maybe an hour, cooked soup, and folded laundry. You know, day off stuff.

The next day, my traps and rhomboids were screaming—pain levels up to 5 on a 1-10 scale. Not good.

I know when I’m beat. I have to lay off physical activity for a while, until my back muscles heal (the chiropractor confirmed that this is all muscular, not nerve pain). Who knows how long it will take: a few weeks? A month? Two months? I truly hope it is less than two months. I’m addicted to exercise. And being handicapped in my normal day-to-day tasks, too, drives me crazy.

It is easy to get discouraged, to whine and complain. But I know of three people who are dealing with health issues worse than mine. How can I complain of my own suffering when their suffering is worse than my own?

But I can do my practice. I try to keep my thoughts centered on surrender. On letting the pain and frustration pass through me like clouds, like rain, like breath. I turn the inner eye to watch them pass. I breathe, and ask for the path of surrender. I meditate, and ask only to witness, but not identify with the suffering. I remain mindful of my friends as well, as I practice. As I breathe and ask for non-attachment to the ephemeral, I hope that my friends, too, can find this.

I can only do what I do. I am finding my pranayama and meditation practice to help me not only in the spiritual way I just described, but in other ways as well. The work does help physically relax the muscles and reduce pain. Also, by providing another point of focus for my body, I distract it from the pain. Finally, keeping this practice gives my mind and energy something to focus on that isn’t related to my physical problems. It helps fill the gap in my life that my asana practice used to fill.

I am finding it harder to stick to a very minimal exercise regime than I had anticipated. If I don’t regularly do at least some cardio (I have an elliptical machine) and a few stretches, I’m restless and can’t sleep. But if I do too much my back complains later…and wakes me up in the middle of the night. Of course I feel fine when I’m warm and exercising; the pain only makes itself known hours later. Add to that the fact that having two chiropractic appointments, and one massage, a week adds cuts into my normal evening exercise/yoga time. I haven’t yet figured out exactly what works best to both keep my back safe and bring me restful sleep, nor when best to work a practice into my new schedule. It is frustrating. Things will be easier for me once my chiropractor feels I have progressed to a point where she can prescribe exercises for me to do.

What I have been able to do successfully is delve into a pranayama practice. B.K.S. Iyengar’s Light on Pranayama was my Christmas gift to myself from the store where I attend meditation classes. I’m about a third of the way through. So far he’s discussing the Hindu philosphy of prana: laying the groundwork. I have yet to get into the discussion of specific pranayamas.

However, as I do have prior knowledge of pranayama, either taught to me by my meditation teacher or picked up from various yoga books, I have put together a short practice for myself. I’m sort of making it up as I go, but basically doing Breath of Fire, Alternate Nostril Breathing, and working on the upper two locks: jalandhara bandha (chin lock) and uddiyana bandha (abdominal lock). The entire practice so far is lasting about 15 minutes, but I will probably lengthen it as I get used to the practice, and as time permits.

When I have time, I follow this practice with a 30-40 minute meditation. I have found the combination of the pranayama practice followed by the meditation to allow me to sleep through the night.

I am finding that the body work I am undergoing now–chiropractic and deep tissue massage–is releasing stored past memories and pain. To heal fully, I must allow these memories and feelings to come pass through me. I must surrender to the process as it unfolds.

My practice last night was simple: a few minutes of pranayama followed by a 40 minute meditation. During the meditation I petitioned to accept the path of surrender.

Surrender to the physical pain, the forced inactivity, the emotional pain, and the memories. I must be open to the experiences as they happen, then allow them to drift away like clouds, like thoughts that arise in meditation…not to be followed or held onto, but simply experienced as they come, and then released.

I slept well last night. Today I feel more grounded emotionally, though I still need a heating pad to help with the physical.