I have been getting stronger. I can do Warrior 1 now, at least on my more energetic days. The feeling of strength in my legs and core that I feel when doing that pose really lift me. It makes me feel solid and grounded.

As you can see, I have much more flexibility and strength in my low back than I have had in over a year. To help regain that flexibility, Pigeon pose and a modified Cobra pose (always followed by Child’s Pose) have been part of my routine for months.

My favorite qigong exercise for spine flexibility is called Turtle Neck. I sit in Baddha Konasana and scoop my head down and forward, then up, and then back and down. The head basically moves in a forward circle in the air and the spine follows. It’s called Turtle, but the movement seems rather snakelike to me. Doing the movement with the legs stretched forward works the back in a slightly different way, lower down the back.

It’s absolutely essential now for me to listen to the needs and limitations of my body, which can at times vary on a daily basis. Some days I manage only a few seated forward bends and perhaps a side bend or two. Other days I feel much stronger. I have been seeing, though, continual improvement, though at almost a glacial pace. As long as I have patience and don’t push, things work out okay.

The chiropractor I was seeing through all last year closed her doors at the beginning of this year. I’ve been seeing a new husband and wife chiropractor team since late March. I like this practice. Bonus: they have massage therapists on staff so I get massages covered by insurance! However, perhaps because of their different adjustment techniques, my mid-back is now unstable and tender. Still, I feel confident the soreness there will work itself out. At least I now have a good foundation in my stronger, more limber lower core.

Simple Qigong Exercises for Back Pain Relief. This is a great DVD. It focuses on a very flowing way of moving, and gives instructions on how to progress as a beginner. I think this will become a cornerstone of my back care.

Qigong Empowerment: A Guide to Medical, Taoist, Buddhist, Wushu Energy Cultivation (Paperback). This book is an amazing resource. 348 pages long it’s actually five books in one. Each section focuses on a different school of qigong: medical (for healing ailments), Taoist, Buddhist, martial, and emitting and absorbing qi. I’ll be using this book as a reference for many years.

Heal Yourself With Qigong. This one focuses on medical qigong. It’s a bit simplistic compared to the tome I mentioned above, but even so I’ve already gotten some exercise ideas from it. And since it only has 186 pages, I believe it may find a place on my shelf at work. Should be helpful for those mid-day qigong breaks I like to take.

I have been reading and practicing some new exercises; expanding my understanding of qigong. Soaking up the teachings, trying to figure out what works for me, what I’m drawn to. But my study has been a little chaotic, jumping from one practice to another as I try to figure out what I like best. Now that I have an idea of what works for me, and what I feel I need, it’s time to start grounding my practice. Only by developing a quiet, steady practice will I be able to delve deeper into the energetics of the movements.

I am already starting to put together a morning routine consisting of some of my favorite exercises and stretches. I find that I would like to do a little more than I have time for in 30 minutes; maybe I’ll expand it to a 40 minute practice on days when I have time. I’m still unsure what I would like my evening practice to look like. I think I may pick a few different sets to rotate between.

The weather is getting warmer now, which should help my practice, since qigong is supposed to be best practiced outside. Soon I’ll find myself moving outside for my practices. Wouldn’t it be lovely to practice qigong while watching the setting sun?

American Institute of Alternative Medicine

Once I sign in and pay my $30, the acupuncture intern takes me back to the treatment room, where she begins the session with an intake interview. In addition to the questions you would expect, relating to my presenting problem and general health, I’m asked questions specific to Chinese medicine, relating to my diet, water intake, and excretions. The acupuncturist then takes my pulse and asks to look at my tongue. I’m not sure what they are reading in the pulse, but they always take their time with it, so it’s obviously more than the usual beats per minute.

The intern’s instructor, a Chinese woman, then comes in and also takes my pulse and looks at my tongue. The acupuncturist and her instructor then leave the room for a few minutes to make their treatment plan.

My first and third treatments have been basically the same treatment for the pain in my middle and lower back. The intern inserts a pair of needles (one on either side of the spine) at the top of my neck, mid-back, waist, and lower lumbar. I also get needles at the back of my knees, my ankles, the top of my feet, and top of my hands. This last time I also got a needle inserted in the top of my head at the crown point.

Sometimes I feel nothing when the needles are inserted, but at the places where the muscles are tighter there can be an initial sting that dissipates within 30 or 60 seconds. The treatment lasts 30 minutes, during which I lie on the table and try to relax.

The first treatment didn’t feel really bad, but not good, either. I felt sensations of heat in the muscle around where some of the needles were, that slowly spread into the surrounding area. The weirdest part was toward the end when the heat spread into my illiopsoas muscle. That’s the deep muscle that runs along the anterior pelvis and into the groin, and flexes the hip. It’s your tenderloin muscle. It was weird to have the heat sensation so deep, when all I’m doing is lying there.

Later that evening I felt sore through my waist in the back and front. The soreness was gone by morning. The experience was similar to the first few times I got electrical stim: vaguely unpleasant during the treatment, sore and painful directly afterward, but much better the following day.

The third treatment, this past week, was much easier than the first. I didn’t feel as much pain when the needles were inserted or as much sensation during the treatment. And the addition of the point at my crown really relaxed me. I nearly fell asleep.

My second treatment went differently from the other two because my needs were different. The day before, my elderly, diabetic cat had to be rushed to the vet to be treated for hypoglycemia, which can be fatal within hours. She pulled through, but she very nearly died. Needless to say, I was still full of anxiety and grief when I arrived for my acupuncture appointment, and the muscles of my upper back burned from the tension I had been carrying there.

The acupuncturist inserted needles at points along my upper back related to the lungs. Apparently the lungs relate to grief, and that is why I had been carrying tension in my upper back. She also inserted needles on my hands, inner wrists, feet, and one at the top of my skull.

I didn’t feel much in the way of physical sensation except deep relaxation. I nearly fell asleep, and when the half hour was over I was so relaxed that I had to take my time getting up from the table. It also grounded me and brought my emotions back to a more manageable level, which was a relief. So: acupuncture works not only for pain management, but for emotional balance as well.

Interesting thing: one morning several days after the first treatment, I discovered quite by accident that I can encourage the energy flow simply by thinking about the acupuncture experience. I was lying in bed waiting for sleep, and my mind wandered to the acupuncture. The moment I remembered the sensations of the treatment,I felt the same sensations of heat flow through my back as I experienced during the treatment. That took me by surprise, but what a useful thing! It’s just like my meditation teacher says: energy follows thought. Since that first time I have made a point to send thought/energy to these areas at least once a day, especially before I do any qigong, in the hopes of helping speed the healing process.

Recently I have added ujjayi breathing with breath retention to the yin yoga practice: breathing in for 8 counts, holding the breath in for 4 counts, breathing out for 4 counts, holding the breath out for 4 counts. In this way 2’45″ (the current length I am holding each pose) takes about 10 breaths.

It is said that the real purpose of the asanas is to prepare the student for meditation. That certainly seems to be true of yin yoga. Sometimes in this practice, I find my mind disturbed with unrest. Not full-formed thoughts exactly, but a jitteriness or prickliness that is hard to describe. Maybe “mental white noise” comes closest as a description. I find myself irritated at the music I’m listening to (I often play Pandora’s Spa Radio station), wishing I could get up and skip forward to the next song. Unrest.  

I have experienced similar sensations at times when I meditate.

Then sometimes when I’m doing yin yoga my mind is calm and untroubled, peaceful and relaxed. This I have experienced many times during meditation.

One thing I would like to do, but haven’t found time for, is meditate for at least 40 minutes after my hour-long yin yoga session. I bet that would make for a nice, deep meditation. I had hoped to do that last night, but traffic was slow and I got home later than I expected. I’m not sure I’ll have time tonight, either. Soon, I hope.

Afterwards I felt emotionally tender. Yin yoga can do that. Today, though, I feel great. My mind clear and intelligent, my emotions hopeful and positive, my back more at peace than it has been for days.

The next day, my traps and rhomboids were screaming—pain levels up to 5 on a 1-10 scale. Not good.

I know when I’m beat. I have to lay off physical activity for a while, until my back muscles heal (the chiropractor confirmed that this is all muscular, not nerve pain). Who knows how long it will take: a few weeks? A month? Two months? I truly hope it is less than two months. I’m addicted to exercise. And being handicapped in my normal day-to-day tasks, too, drives me crazy.

It is easy to get discouraged, to whine and complain. But I know of three people who are dealing with health issues worse than mine. How can I complain of my own suffering when their suffering is worse than my own?

But I can do my practice. I try to keep my thoughts centered on surrender. On letting the pain and frustration pass through me like clouds, like rain, like breath. I turn the inner eye to watch them pass. I breathe, and ask for the path of surrender. I meditate, and ask only to witness, but not identify with the suffering. I remain mindful of my friends as well, as I practice. As I breathe and ask for non-attachment to the ephemeral, I hope that my friends, too, can find this.

I can only do what I do. I am finding my pranayama and meditation practice to help me not only in the spiritual way I just described, but in other ways as well. The work does help physically relax the muscles and reduce pain. Also, by providing another point of focus for my body, I distract it from the pain. Finally, keeping this practice gives my mind and energy something to focus on that isn’t related to my physical problems. It helps fill the gap in my life that my asana practice used to fill.

But I stop and remind myself that my current back problems arose out of the positive changes I have made this year: getting really good shoe orthotics to treat recurrent plantar fasciitis, exercising, yoga–these have uncovered congenital problems, including scoliosis, that have lain dormant until now.

“The pathways [of nourishment and elimination] must be clear of obstructing forces in order for prana [nourishment] and apana [elimination] to have a healthy relationship.  In yogic language, this region must be in a state of sukha, with literally translates as “good space.”  “Bad space” is referred to as dukha; which is commonly translated as “suffering.” – Leslie Kaminoff, in Yoga Anatomy

Perhaps my current back problems are a necessary cleansing, creating space for more expansion, for growth, for something new to take its place. It may feel now like an obstacle to  my practice and to the exercise that I crave. But perhaps this is a necessary pause, a time when pulling back is necessary for future growth. A blockage to the flow of prana must be cleared out of the way before further expansion and growth can take place.

I have come through many obstacles in my life, some of which have seemed truly insurmountable. I have moved through them and been happier, stronger, on the other side. I have looked back and been amazed and grateful for the changes that have taken place. If I reframe this time to be a necessary period of cleansing and clearing, perhaps it will be easier to get through to the other side. Though it may not look like it at this moment, I keep telling myself that this, too, is a time I will look back on in wonder and gratitude for the gifts it has brought me.

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

– Jelaluddin Rumi,
translation by Coleman Barks