yoga

Wow, it’s been two month since I wrote anything here! I guess that’s because things are pretty much going on fairly well. I have settled into a very comfortable exercise routine made up of physical therapy exercises for the low back, qigong, and yoga. It takes about 45 or 50 minutes to do all the exercises that I like. During the week I do about 30 to 35 minutes twice a day. On weekends I usually spend an hour exercising and stretching. I usually like to try a new qigong exercise at the end of my routine on the weekends, and do some meditating as well.

I have been getting stronger. I can do Warrior 1 now, at least on my more energetic days. The feeling of strength in my legs and core that I feel when doing that pose really lift me. It makes me feel solid and grounded.

As you can see, I have much more flexibility and strength in my low back than I have had in over a year. To help regain that flexibility, Pigeon pose and a modified Cobra pose (always followed by Child’s Pose) have been part of my routine for months.

My favorite qigong exercise for spine flexibility is called Turtle Neck. I sit in Baddha Konasana and scoop my head down and forward, then up, and then back and down. The head basically moves in a forward circle in the air and the spine follows. It’s called Turtle, but the movement seems rather snakelike to me. Doing the movement with the legs stretched forward works the back in a slightly different way, lower down the back.

It’s absolutely essential now for me to listen to the needs and limitations of my body, which can at times vary on a daily basis. Some days I manage only a few seated forward bends and perhaps a side bend or two. Other days I feel much stronger. I have been seeing, though, continual improvement, though at almost a glacial pace. As long as I have patience and don’t push, things work out okay.

The chiropractor I was seeing through all last year closed her doors at the beginning of this year. I’ve been seeing a new husband and wife chiropractor team since late March. I like this practice. Bonus: they have massage therapists on staff so I get massages covered by insurance! However, perhaps because of their different adjustment techniques, my mid-back is now unstable and tender. Still, I feel confident the soreness there will work itself out. At least I now have a good foundation in my stronger, more limber lower core.

I’ve spent the past couple of weeks researching qigong resources. So far I have found:

Simple Qigong Exercises for Back Pain Relief. This is a great DVD. It focuses on a very flowing way of moving, and gives instructions on how to progress as a beginner. I think this will become a cornerstone of my back care.

Qigong Empowerment: A Guide to Medical, Taoist, Buddhist, Wushu Energy Cultivation (Paperback). This book is an amazing resource. 348 pages long it’s actually five books in one. Each section focuses on a different school of qigong: medical (for healing ailments), Taoist, Buddhist, martial, and emitting and absorbing qi. I’ll be using this book as a reference for many years.

Heal Yourself With Qigong. This one focuses on medical qigong. It’s a bit simplistic compared to the tome I mentioned above, but even so I’ve already gotten some exercise ideas from it. And since it only has 186 pages, I believe it may find a place on my shelf at work. Should be helpful for those mid-day qigong breaks I like to take.

I have been reading and practicing some new exercises; expanding my understanding of qigong. Soaking up the teachings, trying to figure out what works for me, what I’m drawn to. But my study has been a little chaotic, jumping from one practice to another as I try to figure out what I like best. Now that I have an idea of what works for me, and what I feel I need, it’s time to start grounding my practice. Only by developing a quiet, steady practice will I be able to delve deeper into the energetics of the movements.

I am already starting to put together a morning routine consisting of some of my favorite exercises and stretches. I find that I would like to do a little more than I have time for in 30 minutes; maybe I’ll expand it to a 40 minute practice on days when I have time. I’m still unsure what I would like my evening practice to look like. I think I may pick a few different sets to rotate between.

The weather is getting warmer now, which should help my practice, since qigong is supposed to be best practiced outside. Soon I’ll find myself moving outside for my practices. Wouldn’t it be lovely to practice qigong while watching the setting sun?

I did hatha yoga this morning! For half an hour! It was Kripalu Gentle Yoga, nothing vigorous, but still, I did Down Dogs and Warrior 2! I’ve done a few gentle poses here and there before, but this is the first time I’ve done a full yoga sequence in 2009!

I have now had an acupuncture treatments once a week for the past three weeks. I’m lucky enough to have a school of alternative medicine in my town (American Institute of Alternative Medicine). I knew they offered student acupuncture treatments, but I have never taken advantage of them before. But a friend at work who has had back problems about as long as I have (only hers are much worse) recently started getting treatments there, and swears by it. So I decided it was time for me to try it out.

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Yin yoga has also been my primary practice for the past month. In yin yoga, you hold gentle floor poses (seated, prone, or supine) poses for several (2-5) minutes. Holding the stretches for so long encourages my muscles to really just kind of melt into the pose. It seems to be a magic bullet for my back pain. The long-held stretches are doing wonders for keeping my back muscles relaxed and the spine healthy. I am almost completely pain-free most days.

Recently I have added ujjayi breathing with breath retention to the yin yoga practice: breathing in for 8 counts, holding the breath in for 4 counts, breathing out for 4 counts, holding the breath out for 4 counts. In this way 2′45″ (the current length I am holding each pose) takes about 10 breaths.

It is said that the real purpose of the asanas is to prepare the student for meditation. That certainly seems to be true of yin yoga. Sometimes in this practice, I find my mind disturbed with unrest. Not full-formed thoughts exactly, but a jitteriness or prickliness that is hard to describe. Maybe “mental white noise” comes closest as a description. I find myself irritated at the music I’m listening to (I often play Pandora’s Spa Radio station), wishing I could get up and skip forward to the next song. Unrest.  

I have experienced similar sensations at times when I meditate.

Then sometimes when I’m doing yin yoga my mind is calm and untroubled, peaceful and relaxed. This I have experienced many times during meditation.

One thing I would like to do, but haven’t found time for, is meditate for at least 40 minutes after my hour-long yin yoga session. I bet that would make for a nice, deep meditation. I had hoped to do that last night, but traffic was slow and I got home later than I expected. I’m not sure I’ll have time tonight, either. Soon, I hope.

As I left my chiro appointment yesterday…my back full of trigger points, Dr. K told me…I wanted nothing more than to relax into a session of yin yoga. I just wanted to relax into a pose, not thinking about how I should push into the stretch or how long to hold it, but just let myself be in the pose. As I haven’t done yin yoga in months, I set my interval timer to two minutes per pose, so as not injure myself in a pose held too long. I also made sure to avoid certain poses like twists or cobra that I though could have stressed my back.

Afterwards I felt emotionally tender. Yin yoga can do that. Today, though, I feel great. My mind clear and intelligent, my emotions hopeful and positive, my back more at peace than it has been for days.

As it turns out, I apparently can’t do even a minimal exercise regime right now. Last weekend I did an easy half hour on the elliptical. I tried not to use my arms at all, but kept them on the heart rate bar. I also did some light house cleaning–maybe an hour, cooked soup, and folded laundry. You know, day off stuff.

The next day, my traps and rhomboids were screaming—pain levels up to 5 on a 1-10 scale. Not good.

I know when I’m beat. I have to lay off physical activity for a while, until my back muscles heal (the chiropractor confirmed that this is all muscular, not nerve pain). Who knows how long it will take: a few weeks? A month? Two months? I truly hope it is less than two months. I’m addicted to exercise. And being handicapped in my normal day-to-day tasks, too, drives me crazy.

It is easy to get discouraged, to whine and complain. But I know of three people who are dealing with health issues worse than mine. How can I complain of my own suffering when their suffering is worse than my own?

But I can do my practice. I try to keep my thoughts centered on surrender. On letting the pain and frustration pass through me like clouds, like rain, like breath. I turn the inner eye to watch them pass. I breathe, and ask for the path of surrender. I meditate, and ask only to witness, but not identify with the suffering. I remain mindful of my friends as well, as I practice. As I breathe and ask for non-attachment to the ephemeral, I hope that my friends, too, can find this.

I can only do what I do. I am finding my pranayama and meditation practice to help me not only in the spiritual way I just described, but in other ways as well. The work does help physically relax the muscles and reduce pain. Also, by providing another point of focus for my body, I distract it from the pain. Finally, keeping this practice gives my mind and energy something to focus on that isn’t related to my physical problems. It helps fill the gap in my life that my asana practice used to fill.

As I lay in my bed last night, propped up on pillows because when I lay on my back the pressure on my spine impinged a nerve, making my hands go numb, I couldn’t help feeling very sorry for myself. I want more than anything to able to do an hour-long hatha yoga practice. I want to get that good workout feeling, feeling cleansed and refreshed. I have been dedicated in my practice for over a year, building it slowly and steadily. And yet, it seems that I have been blocked again and again by my body’s recurrent problems and limitations.

But I stop and remind myself that my current back problems arose out of the positive changes I have made this year: getting really good shoe orthotics to treat recurrent plantar fasciitis, exercising, yoga–these have uncovered congenital problems, including scoliosis, that have lain dormant until now.

“The pathways [of nourishment and elimination] must be clear of obstructing forces in order for prana [nourishment] and apana [elimination] to have a healthy relationship.  In yogic language, this region must be in a state of sukha, with literally translates as “good space.”  “Bad space” is referred to as dukha; which is commonly translated as “suffering.” - Leslie Kaminoff, in Yoga Anatomy

Perhaps my current back problems are a necessary cleansing, creating space for more expansion, for growth, for something new to take its place. It may feel now like an obstacle to  my practice and to the exercise that I crave. But perhaps this is a necessary pause, a time when pulling back is necessary for future growth. A blockage to the flow of prana must be cleared out of the way before further expansion and growth can take place.

I have come through many obstacles in my life, some of which have seemed truly insurmountable. I have moved through them and been happier, stronger, on the other side. I have looked back and been amazed and grateful for the changes that have taken place. If I reframe this time to be a necessary period of cleansing and clearing, perhaps it will be easier to get through to the other side. Though it may not look like it at this moment, I keep telling myself that this, too, is a time I will look back on in wonder and gratitude for the gifts it has brought me.

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

– Jelaluddin Rumi,
translation by Coleman Barks

Nona of Everyday Yogini recently posted about her experiences in starting and keeping up a home practice. I decided that was a good topic to start off my own yoga blog.