I have been getting stronger. I can do Warrior 1 now, at least on my more energetic days. The feeling of strength in my legs and core that I feel when doing that pose really lift me. It makes me feel solid and grounded.

As you can see, I have much more flexibility and strength in my low back than I have had in over a year. To help regain that flexibility, Pigeon pose and a modified Cobra pose (always followed by Child’s Pose) have been part of my routine for months.

My favorite qigong exercise for spine flexibility is called Turtle Neck. I sit in Baddha Konasana and scoop my head down and forward, then up, and then back and down. The head basically moves in a forward circle in the air and the spine follows. It’s called Turtle, but the movement seems rather snakelike to me. Doing the movement with the legs stretched forward works the back in a slightly different way, lower down the back.

It’s absolutely essential now for me to listen to the needs and limitations of my body, which can at times vary on a daily basis. Some days I manage only a few seated forward bends and perhaps a side bend or two. Other days I feel much stronger. I have been seeing, though, continual improvement, though at almost a glacial pace. As long as I have patience and don’t push, things work out okay.

The chiropractor I was seeing through all last year closed her doors at the beginning of this year. I’ve been seeing a new husband and wife chiropractor team since late March. I like this practice. Bonus: they have massage therapists on staff so I get massages covered by insurance! However, perhaps because of their different adjustment techniques, my mid-back is now unstable and tender. Still, I feel confident the soreness there will work itself out. At least I now have a good foundation in my stronger, more limber lower core.

My major resolution was to better integrate my spiritual practice into my physical exercise. I know plenty of visualizations, breathing practices, and meditations I could be doing, but it seemed that unless I’m doing a structured practice like yoga, I tend not to integrate them into my exercise. So my goal this year is to really work at forming the habit of better integrating the two practices: physical and spiritual.

So far this year, I’ve been doing that in three ways. First, during some of my stretches I imagine cleansing energy flowing into the space I am focusing on–mostly my back. In his book Taoist Cosmic Healing, Mantak Chia writes that light green-white will help clear an old injury, so I imagine green-white energy swirling into the painful areas of my back. I imagine the stuck chi in those painful knots being loosened bit by bit. I ask any sick energy to go down into the earth where it will be recycled, telling it, “You will be happier there.”

I have also increased the amount of qigong I am doing. Some days I just do a few exercises as breaks during my work day. Other days I have time to spend a half hour doing qigong in the evening. I enjoy this practice, with its focus on moving slowly and consciously, concentrating on the breath. What a change from doing exercises at the physical therapist’s office, with a therapist who insisted on chatting with me, and a background of country music.

I am still doing PT exercises once a day at home, usually in the morning. One of my exercises is Dwi Pada Pitham, also known as moving Bridge. I do this exercise 15 times, with a five-second hold in the up position. I have started mentally saying “Sat” on the inhale when I lift my hips up, and “Nam” when I exhale and drop my hips back down–basically adapting a Kundalini yoga kriya to my needs. I’m not sure if I have noticed any effect from this yet, but I figure it can’t hurt!

I am doing well in with all of these adaptations, though I have noticed that I sometimes forget –or I’m plain too lazy –to do the cleansing color visualizations. I think that one might really be helping, so I really should try not to get lazy about it. It’s much easier to remember when I’m in pain than when I’m not, but if it’s working then flagging in the practice will encourage the pain to return! I need to keep at this one.

One practice I would like to do more of is the Six Organ Healing Sounds, a qigong practice for full-body cleansing and healing. I truly think doing this will support the acupuncture work I’m also getting. I have been doing it occasionally, but I would like to make time to do it more often. I’m not sure when, though. The practice takes about 15 minutes to do completely, and I’m already spending at least half an hour twice daily on my practice as it is. Apparently it is better to do the practice in the evening, so I can try to add it to the end of my evening practice on days when I have a bit more time.

Overall, though, I think I’m doing pretty well at keeping my New Year’s resolution. My back has definitely been improving, so it seems these practices are having a positive effect.

My physical spiritual practice is now oriented much more heavily towards the Chinese art of qigong. I also maintain a daily routine of physical therapy exercises and stretching. I want to include more pranayama as time permits, and some kundalini yoga as my back gains strength. So while I want to continue to write here, and I think it will be valuable, the focus of this blog will be shifting somewhat to more of a wider focus than just yoga.

But to update since my last post:

My back had a relapse of pain last October, and I’ve been working steadily to heal it ever since. I had quit getting acupuncture treatments for the back pain after I came back from the vacation in Colorado, and I think that was a mistake.  After the relapse I started getting acupuncture for my back, but I strongly felt that I wasn’t going to heal completely if I didn’t figure out what was actually causing the pain and find some stretches/exercises to address it. I went to an orthopedist, who gave me a prescription for physical therapy. I went to PT for about a month, but the pain, instead of diminishing, actually increased as a result of the PT.

I believe that the therapy was simply too aggressive for me, but the doc ordered an MRI for me to rule out nerve or disc damage. The MRI was negative, though it did show that I have some mild osteoarthritis in my spine (which I had figured out on my own already).

I quit working with the physical therapist, since their treatment plan wasn’t working for me, but I have continued a daily routine of some of the exercises I was given there. I have been writing out a treatment plan for myself each week so that I can track my progress and slowly increase the PT exercises I’m doing.

I also began exploring more qigong exercises and including them in my daily practice. I have found that including this gentle, flowing kind of exercise is much more beneficial to me than western PT exercise alone. Now I do a combination of PT, qigong, energy work, and stretching that seems to be working well for me. My pain levels have been pretty consistently at a 1 or 2, only occasionally spiking at a 3 (which is where I averaged during the month I was going to the physical therapist). I am to listen to my body much more, both the physical signals of pain or tightness, and the intuition that guides me to a particular activity.

In this way, I am gaining understanding not only of my body, but also towards an understanding of Traditional Chinese Medicine and a Taoist understanding of energy. I am exciting about the deeper level of learning of these modalities. I hope to start to better use this blog to talk some about what I’m doing and learning. I invite you to read along with me. But if you’re more of a yoga person, and qigong isn’t your thing, I completely understand if we part ways.

I had some trouble with altitude (we were up as high as 9,000 feet), but I was was pleased with the amount of hiking that I was able to do. I had to stop often to let my cardiovascular system catch up, but my legs and back did great! I call that remission!

I also got married while I was in Colorado, which was the primary reason for the trip. Colorado allows couples to marry themselves without an officient (possibly the only state to allow this), so we simply took the marriage liscense up into the mountains and had a short personal little ceremony.

I came down with a cold a few days after we got back to Ohio. I swear I picked up something on the plane, plus my body was probably in shock from being back in a humid environment after the extreme dryness of Colorado. The cold had all of my usual symptoms: sore throat and sinus congestion. I had an acupuncture apointment a few days later where I had them work on alleviating the cold. My intern put needles in points in my arms and legs that she said were to “dissipate heat”, and indeed I felt chills go down my arms during the 30 minute treatment. Usually I feel the movement of the chi as heat, so the coolness, like cool ripples along the surface of my skin, was a really neat feeling.

That catches me up almost to the present. I have another entry or two to write about the past week, which I hope to get up here by the end of the week.

The oddest/neatest thing I’ve noticed in the past week or so is feeling various chi routes open up at random times. The feeling for me is a menthol “icy-hot” sensation at and just under the skin.  I have felt this before when doing a directed meditation to be aware of the meridian pathways.  I would expect that to happen during meditation, when energy is flowing through me anyway, but recently I have had this sensation at other times, usually when I am relaxed, such as when I am lying awake in bed before getting up. The neatest thing is that the meridians where I am feeling these sensations are not those that (as far as I can tell) have been stimulated by the acupuncture needles. My guess is that now that the chi less stuck some routes, it is “unsticking” in other routes as well. Which I think is pretty cool.

I’m definitely feeling more flexible physically. Stretching and exercise are easier as well. My 10 minute elliptical workout no longer hurts my waist. This is good.

I am experimenting with exploring qigong a bit more as a complement to the acupuncture. Mantak Chia has some free videos of morning qigong routines up on his website. In the videos he talks about how the exercises open up the chi routes and bring energy to the organs of the body. It’s pretty interesting stuff, and it feels good, so hey, why not try it?

In one of the videos he does abdominal rolling. I have read descriptions of abdominal rolling in yoga books, but I’ve never tried it. For some reason this week I was able to do it in a way that felt effective. It’s kind of a weird sensation, but did feel somehow cleansing.

American Institute of Alternative Medicine

Once I sign in and pay my $30, the acupuncture intern takes me back to the treatment room, where she begins the session with an intake interview. In addition to the questions you would expect, relating to my presenting problem and general health, I’m asked questions specific to Chinese medicine, relating to my diet, water intake, and excretions. The acupuncturist then takes my pulse and asks to look at my tongue. I’m not sure what they are reading in the pulse, but they always take their time with it, so it’s obviously more than the usual beats per minute.

The intern’s instructor, a Chinese woman, then comes in and also takes my pulse and looks at my tongue. The acupuncturist and her instructor then leave the room for a few minutes to make their treatment plan.

My first and third treatments have been basically the same treatment for the pain in my middle and lower back. The intern inserts a pair of needles (one on either side of the spine) at the top of my neck, mid-back, waist, and lower lumbar. I also get needles at the back of my knees, my ankles, the top of my feet, and top of my hands. This last time I also got a needle inserted in the top of my head at the crown point.

Sometimes I feel nothing when the needles are inserted, but at the places where the muscles are tighter there can be an initial sting that dissipates within 30 or 60 seconds. The treatment lasts 30 minutes, during which I lie on the table and try to relax.

The first treatment didn’t feel really bad, but not good, either. I felt sensations of heat in the muscle around where some of the needles were, that slowly spread into the surrounding area. The weirdest part was toward the end when the heat spread into my illiopsoas muscle. That’s the deep muscle that runs along the anterior pelvis and into the groin, and flexes the hip. It’s your tenderloin muscle. It was weird to have the heat sensation so deep, when all I’m doing is lying there.

Later that evening I felt sore through my waist in the back and front. The soreness was gone by morning. The experience was similar to the first few times I got electrical stim: vaguely unpleasant during the treatment, sore and painful directly afterward, but much better the following day.

The third treatment, this past week, was much easier than the first. I didn’t feel as much pain when the needles were inserted or as much sensation during the treatment. And the addition of the point at my crown really relaxed me. I nearly fell asleep.

My second treatment went differently from the other two because my needs were different. The day before, my elderly, diabetic cat had to be rushed to the vet to be treated for hypoglycemia, which can be fatal within hours. She pulled through, but she very nearly died. Needless to say, I was still full of anxiety and grief when I arrived for my acupuncture appointment, and the muscles of my upper back burned from the tension I had been carrying there.

The acupuncturist inserted needles at points along my upper back related to the lungs. Apparently the lungs relate to grief, and that is why I had been carrying tension in my upper back. She also inserted needles on my hands, inner wrists, feet, and one at the top of my skull.

I didn’t feel much in the way of physical sensation except deep relaxation. I nearly fell asleep, and when the half hour was over I was so relaxed that I had to take my time getting up from the table. It also grounded me and brought my emotions back to a more manageable level, which was a relief. So: acupuncture works not only for pain management, but for emotional balance as well.

Interesting thing: one morning several days after the first treatment, I discovered quite by accident that I can encourage the energy flow simply by thinking about the acupuncture experience. I was lying in bed waiting for sleep, and my mind wandered to the acupuncture. The moment I remembered the sensations of the treatment,I felt the same sensations of heat flow through my back as I experienced during the treatment. That took me by surprise, but what a useful thing! It’s just like my meditation teacher says: energy follows thought. Since that first time I have made a point to send thought/energy to these areas at least once a day, especially before I do any qigong, in the hopes of helping speed the healing process.

But the body is never limitless; it always imposes limits on activities. Accepting this fact of human existence is one of the biggest lessons of the life, I think. It is why the yogis say that Corpse Pose is the most important pose to practice. We must learn the humility that there are limits to what we can achieve, and to the length of our existence.

My body has given me such a great opportunity to explore this knowledge for myself, yet I have felt that I am squandering that opportunity with my desire and impatience to return to health.

During my meditation Wednesday night I asked to accept my body as it is. I asked that I let go of the impatience and frustration, and be at peace with my body.

As soon as the meditation was over I found myself looking through the Cosmic Healing; book and found new healing meditations to try.  And yesterday I made an appointment for an acupuncture treatment next week. I made a promise to myself to schedule some sort of bodywork treatment (massage, acupuncture, etc.) for myself every Thursday for at least the next month. Understood in that promise is a commitment to stop feeling apologetic for the sensitivity of my muscles.*

So I am already making positive steps. On the other hand, I haven’t stopped complaining about the roundness of my belly or the tightness of my clothes yet. So I guess I have more work to do on accepting my body as it currently is. 

I include, as a reminder to myself:
 

*Massage therapists, as well as my chiropractor, are prone to exclaim “What did you do to yourself!” when they feel how tight my muscles are. This tends to make me feel like I should do extra stretching and relaxation before I feel like I can let myself get a massage. I have to accept that my muscles are simply sensitive and prone to tightness.

With my recent renewed interest in Taoist exercise and meditation, I felt drawn yesterday to look through Mantak Chia‘s book Cosmic Healing, which I first read a couple of years ago. I have been doing some of his Taoist energy meditation techniques in my meditations lately, and I wanted to review them. And besides, it is nice to flip through the book every now and then. Chia packs a lot of information in a few pages and you never know when something will strike you as useful.

Cosmic Healing gives several qigong visualizations designed to open both the yin and yang chi routes that I will begin adding to my morning routine. Mantak Chia’s website also has several free videos. I am particularly interested in this Tao Yin exercise that looks like it would be very good for lower back pain.

Along with the Lee Holden lower back qigong video I just got, these practices will hopefully unblock my yin and bring as much mobility to my lower back as the upper body qigong practices have done for my upper back.

I immediately added stretches for the upper back into my daily stretching routine. I also began searching YouTube for gentle exercise for the the upper back. I wanted something similar to the yin yoga I have been doing that has been so much help to my middle and lower back.

I stumbled a video of Qi Gong for the Upper Back and ordered it. I have been working with this video several times a week for the past three weeks, and I have found it to be gentle enough for my underused muscles not to cause me pain. I have liked it so well that I think I may get his qi gong workout for the lower back, too.

But has my new qi gong and stretching routine strengthened my shoulders enough to allow me to return to normal activities? YES! Last weekend I was able to complete a pretty heavy reorganization of my closets. It was fairly vigorous work that took hours to complete. I had been wanting to do this reorganization for months but couldn’t because of my back pain. My shoulders were a bit sore for the next couple of days, but nothing worse than typical muscle soreness (DOMS).

It has been a long road (six months since I started chiropractic), but I am so glad to finally be able to do normal activities again!

Recently I have added ujjayi breathing with breath retention to the yin yoga practice: breathing in for 8 counts, holding the breath in for 4 counts, breathing out for 4 counts, holding the breath out for 4 counts. In this way 2’45″ (the current length I am holding each pose) takes about 10 breaths.

It is said that the real purpose of the asanas is to prepare the student for meditation. That certainly seems to be true of yin yoga. Sometimes in this practice, I find my mind disturbed with unrest. Not full-formed thoughts exactly, but a jitteriness or prickliness that is hard to describe. Maybe “mental white noise” comes closest as a description. I find myself irritated at the music I’m listening to (I often play Pandora’s Spa Radio station), wishing I could get up and skip forward to the next song. Unrest.  

I have experienced similar sensations at times when I meditate.

Then sometimes when I’m doing yin yoga my mind is calm and untroubled, peaceful and relaxed. This I have experienced many times during meditation.

One thing I would like to do, but haven’t found time for, is meditate for at least 40 minutes after my hour-long yin yoga session. I bet that would make for a nice, deep meditation. I had hoped to do that last night, but traffic was slow and I got home later than I expected. I’m not sure I’ll have time tonight, either. Soon, I hope.